Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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