You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
