we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
