how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
