I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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