Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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