just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
