Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
