Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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