I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
