I am puke
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
