think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
