just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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