omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
