I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
