just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
