Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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