I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
