my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
