Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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