The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
