i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You're earring is so big in my mouth
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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