my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
