I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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