I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
