Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
