4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
