dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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