mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
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Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.