I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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