I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!