this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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