foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas