Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
