Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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