I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
nutella sex= disaster
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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