the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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