Can Purell be used as lube?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you had me at cake vodka
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
