I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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