Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
we should paint friendship bongs
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