I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
