dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
