The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
