I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
