Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
