Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
