I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize