I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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