Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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