Buhtt sex?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
