And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
