There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
