I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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