Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
