Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
