WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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