I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
