Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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