If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
