ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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