I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
