I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
