Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
