Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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