hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
