Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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