After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
