In the future we'll all be gay
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
