dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
