All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
