Cold hands, warm shart.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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