All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
