Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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