My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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