He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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