i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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