FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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