God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
