There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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