i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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