Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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