I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
