shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
