mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
