I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
